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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424191">hope i'm not tired of rebuilding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>She-Ra Fanfics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Character Study, Cuddling, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Touching, Gen, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, for the wlw, i guess, just to cover our bases, look this just catra getting the love she deserves, she gets one don't worry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Catra had always hated the cold, but she hated warmth more</p><p>or; Catra, touch and waking up throughout her life</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora &amp; Bow &amp; Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow &amp; Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-ra), Bow &amp; Catra (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Entrapta (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>She-Ra Fanfics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hope i'm not tired of rebuilding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the timeline is this (roughly): first scene is pre-show, second two are sometime after Save the Cat/Taking Control, final is post-canon.</p><p>went with an lowercase dodie song lyric (arms unfolding), of course - i'd recommend listening to one of her songs while reading, or some other soft and sad type thing.</p><p>and thank you for natalie on the wlw ship zone server, who is a lifesaver, my irl friend and the various other people who I roped into helping me! thank you so much. thank you also to duckymomo on the same server, who provided the prompt.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Catra wasn’t used to the cold. It felt odd to say it like that, a weakness stated like a simple fact. But the Fright Zone was always warm enough that she could get away with not wearing a coat and curling up above the covers instead of on her own bed. A secret indulgence that was so tragically public, an open secret that she would have preferred to stay under lock and key. Lonnie knew at the very least, from the secretive smiles and nudges that she tried to hide from Adora, not that the idiot would even notice. In return, she made snide comments about Kyle and Rogelio, a little too much vitriol on both sides, anger and bitterness just under the surface. It was familiar in a way, a comfort in the ease of the insults that always go too far. That was done outside of Adora’s sight too, her shining shield that she hates and needs in turns. </p><p>It was at night when it became most starkly apparent to her though. Night was when the nightmares made her shake and she needed Adora’s soothing voice and soft touches. It’s a hard-won vulnerability and it comes with co-dependence that she has struggled against for so much of her life. She might struggle with it forever, another desperate bid for independence on the heels of another failed try. Yet looking at the flat grey of the Horde’s walls, she’s hit with the cold knowledge that this could be the end of the line for her, that every try could end with dust in her hands. But she’d still have Adora, and that would be enough for now. It had to be because she needed her now, and she was gone, and Catra was cold. </p><p>Catra didn’t like the cold. It made her shiver uncontrollably, throwing off her balance and acrobatics that she had spent so long perfecting, the only thing only she was good at. The bed was empty though, the radiating warmth from her best friend missing and the spread of her blonde hair against the pillow replaced by more bland colours. Sometimes, she felt like she was the only spot of brightness in that place, and as Catra stopped to drape the thin blanket over her shoulders, that seemed all the more obvious. Moving through the halls quietly was calming in a strange way, the cool air slowing her racing heart. She was good at secrets, and this was just another one, quiet steps one benefit of her training. </p><p>It wasn’t training or practice that led her into the cool night air though, her normally elegant jumps hindered by the blanket she still carried. It was the knowledge of her favourite person in the world, making it so that there was no trace of a surprise when she saw Adora leaning on the railing. </p><p>She joined her without a word, crouching on the cool metal,barely shivering and leaning against the blonde girl, who let her drape the blanket over her too. It was a small concession. A sacrifice in the face of the greater good, and the thought rang with irony that she hated facing. Because she was the greater good, she had always been the greater good. Maybe not for everyone but for Adora. </p><p>Closing her eyes didn’t help her shake the thought so instead, she kept her eyes open and focused on the view. Not on the girl beside her but on the steel and feats of engineering that made up her home. It looked almost beautiful in the right light, green tones under glittering skies. Peace was a rare thing, hard sought-after even if everyone pretended it wasn’t. Maybe that was what made her take off her mask, leaving it balanced on one crooked finger on the hand she left dangling over the edge. Her hair fell freely for once, ears twitching at the smallest sound. </p><p>“It’s a nice night.” The quiet voice interrupted her musing, making her hiss on reflex. A simple touch left her hair flat again, automatic flinch easily ignored. </p><p>It was with reluctance she turned her head to face Adora, but once she did she found that she couldn’t look away. </p><p>“New moon, you know? The stars look so beautiful, it makes everything seem better.” The words came with a sigh, soft but far too loud with only the quiet background buzz of the Fright Zone to distract from the noise. </p><p>“Not worth waking up for.” Catra let herself relax and focus on the sky with a teasing tilt to her grin, an upward tick that turned out far too genuine. It got a shove out of Adora though, more sincere than any caress from Shadow Weaver. “What happened to looking out for each other?” It felt cheap to use that moment for something like this, and from the way the grin fell off Adora’s face she could tell that it had made the mood sombre. </p><p>“I’m sorry I left,” Adora offered, a fragile note to her voice that made Catra’s tail twitch and her fingers curl. There was no room for fragility when there could only be strength, no need to grasp so desperately onto every scrap of affection. Only strength. “You know I’ll always stay, right? You and me.”</p><p>“Until the end of the world,” Catra finished, letting her grip loosen again as she tucked the blue blanket closer around her, letting it half-slip off Adora's shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Catra hadn’t woken up to warmth in such a long time. Not true warmth anyway. Once it had felt like a victory, an amateur extraction of something that was an intrinsic part of her. It had crept up into her lungs, making her breaths shallow and leaving her gasping in the middle of the night. That was strength, after all, the slow process of cutting away everything she cared for. It hadn’t been right, she realised now, glinting eyes taking in the blank darkness of the wall. She could breathe by herself now, and that was a victory, the ability to stand on her own two feet but to let herself lean against Adora when she needed it. Not a shield but a person, living and breathing but so familiar it ached sometimes. They’d changed, she knew, even if her view of it had been clouded by violence and anger. </p><p>She could see it now though, the way Adora had changed the way she had still to go. This time she would be there though, with her own lungs and a helping hand. Nothing was stopping her from finding her now, even. She left the blanket behind, content to pad softly down the temperature-controlled halls with only the clacking of her claws on metal to accompany her. It felt nice in a way nothing else had, a surrounding warmth that was different even from the stifling heat of the Crimson Waste. The thought bought a smile to her face though, a memory of that blissful moment with Scorpia where she had just been happy, manic and free. Perhaps it was the late hour that made her mistakes easier to slip away, Entrapta’s forgiveness a warm weight in her chest. Everything felt warm these days, like when Adora had cuddled up to her under a blanket when they were young. </p><p>It was stupid--it was the same artificial warmth the Horde supplied in the dead of winter, but something felt different. Maybe it was the distant sounds of clattering metal,  drawing nearer as the room Entrapta had taken over for their workshop drew closer. An excited exclamation there, a reassuring beep following a second later. It made another tendril of guilt curl in her stomach, souring her good mood and driving her to the doorway. A casual lean let her take in the mess, from the dangerous spread of wires and other scraps she didn’t care to identify to the collection of tables already covered with detritus. Navigating the floor alone felt risky, yet a few nimble jumps meant she could land with dignity intact next to the princess. </p><p>“Catra!” The shout almost set her off balance, leaving frantically trying to adjust until she almost fell. Holding back an instinctive hiss, the only sign of her displeasure was a wildly thrashing tail. The older woman didn’t seem to notice, instead grinning at her widely. Once she would have lashed out and turned away from her hurt look, but now she hopped up onto one blessedly available space. </p><p>“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” She lifted an eyebrow as she spoke, tail twinging idly as if she was fully aware of her own hypocrisy. Besides, it wasn’t like she hadn’t long since grown used to Entrapta’s odd habits. Instead, it felt like a joke between friends, and as she leant forward it looked like exactly that. </p><p>“I should! But I have an idea for steering--and now I have a friend to talk to! Did you know that First Ones had the tech to completely switch...” Catra lost the thread completely there. She remained in her current position though, watching as Entrapta spun around the room still rambling, occasionally handing her a tool or patting her on the head. It felt comfortable in a way that previous times with the princess never had. Maybe it was the warm glow of being called her friend or the fact that if she concentrated, she could understand enough to interject comments here and there. It couldn’t last forever though, and even Entrapta had to wind down sometime. A comfortable silence fell, never something she thought she’d associate with Entrapta. It felt fitting though, but eventually, it started to feel strained. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Catra blurted suddenly, face heating up at the sudden interruption, even her own. It felt right though, something she felt that she’d be repeating for the rest of her life. </p><p>“You already said that?” Entrapta flipped up her newly bug-like mask to peer at her, head tilted as if studying an interesting piece of wiring. “Once is enough, I’ve been told.”</p><p>“I betrayed your trust--I treated you terribly for all that time and just like that it’s fine?” Catra did hiss this time, the fact she was arguing against herself barely registering. </p><p>“I forgave you! You have new hair now, you’re a new person.” Entrapta walked overto her on legs made out of purple hair and awkwardly patted her shoulder. “You’re... nice now. You listened to me talk.”</p><p>Catra blinked, caught wrong-footed and smiling. “It’s a work in progress, then? Hopefully, it won’t end as disastrously as that time with the blue wire and-“ Catra found herself with Entrapta’s arms wrapped tightly around her. Reaching up to steady herself, Catra returned the hug with eyes closed. “...thank you.” </p><p>She slipped away to her room after that, the memory of warmth worth the face full of hair. Sleep came easy with the feeling of a tight embrace lingering on her skin, and Catra let herself fall asleep with a smile on her face.</p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Catra, in a cold sweat, curled up and wild-eyed as if something was still chasing her. As if Horde Prime’s cold hand with all its false kindness was still caressing her, still keeping that tight grip on her neck, detachedly possessive. As if she was still drowning in green water, a little too thick and so, so wrong--it didn’t bear thinking about. It was too similar to the chilling pain of Shadow Weaver, and Catra was so used to comfort being snatched away or twisted at the last moment. A fresh betrayal every time, even if she knew what was coming, even if it was engraved into her bones. </p><p>So she went to the only person she has ever relied on for true comfort, for friendly shoves and warm shoulders at midnight. She brought the blanket this time, bundled up in her arms instead of draped over her shoulders. They were heading home after all. Etheria, with all its steel and skies, the forests she’d never let herself appreciate. Maybe after--when all was said and done, she would go and explore. Maybe she’d have a guide. Maybe she wouldn’t have to be alone. </p><p>Adora wasn’t. She could hear the voices coming from inside, giggles and outraged mutters from the three friends inside. Her ears flattened against her head, but she crept forward anyway. A cursory peek around the doorframe confirmed her suspicions.</p><p>They were ensconced in a pile of blankets, so thick and fluffy they had to have been brought for that reason alone. There was even a lamp set up in the corner, casting purple-tinged light over the three. It made her remember what Glimmer had said--eating cake with their hands. A warm memory. They looked happy and half-asleep, too drowsy to even notice her until she spoke. </p><p>“What, nobody invited me to the party?” It should have come out sharp and accusatory. Maybe they would have taken it like that, once upon a time. Instead, Glimmer scooted over so there was space at her back, offer clear, and Bow reached to take the blanket from her hands. He tucked it into the pile as if it was a finishing touch, a grand proclamation instead of just a thin old thing. Catra sat down so she could smile and lean against Glimmer, heads knocking into each other. It felt nice like this, no words or barriers, just good company. </p><p>“...I’m sorry,” she whispered like a prayer, like the ones she’d recited from old books when she needed comfort. Listen, but she only had to whisper to be heard now. </p><p>“We know.” It was Bow who spoke, grinning in the dim light. He’d been kind when they’d captured her. He had always been kind, always been mediating, and she wondered if he got tired sometimes. “You’re trying though, right? That’s enough, sometimes. You can’t fix everything, but you can try.”</p><p>It felt like it was more for him than her so she smiled hesitantly, sharp teeth gleaming and claws sheathed. “It’s okay to get tired sometimes,” and it felt trite in her mouth like there was a lie lurking behind the words. But it was what Scorpia had always said, and she knew that she had been right, back then. “You can’t be there for everyone,” she added softly because she’d wanted to scream it at her friend once. It got her a smile, so clearly it can’t have been the worst thing to say. </p><p>“I forgive you,” was all Glimmer said. Catra couldn’t see her face but it felt like sincerity, not a blank slate but a second chance. For both of them, for the princess who’d striven for independence and power but refused to use it when it came down to it. For the soldier who’d made the wrong choice. </p><p>“Now for cake!” Bow said, grinning wildly as Adora groaned, her fond silence broken to complain about his apparently inferior taste. Catra let herself relax into the chatter, joining in to tease her new friends. It was warmth and laughter, everything she had always dreamed of. They grew quieter as the night wore on until finally, silence fell except for the gentle rumble of Catra’s purr. </p><p>The others had fallen asleep, curled up together under a purple blanket in a way that made Adora smile and nudge Catra like they used to at Kyle and Rogelio. Catra had to bury her head in another blanket to muffle her laughter. When she looked up, Adora was smiling dopily down at her, blonde hair tumbling loosely down her shoulders and almost shining in the dim light from the star-patterned lampshade. It felt cliche, like the sleepovers she’d heard whispers about. It felt like she could lean forward and kiss her, gently trace her jaw and tilt her head up. A kinder mockery of her former taunts. But she was scared, had always been scared. So instead she just leant her forehead against Adora’s, close but never close enough. She wanted to envelop her in love, just lie there peacefully until everything passed. </p><p>Instead, she stared into Adora’s wide blue eyes, the movement unexpected but clearly accepted. She let her own eyes slip open and shut slowly, a blink for trust until she closed her eyes completely. They stayed like that for a while, silent except for the breathing of their friends. </p><p>“I’m sorry this is all I can give you,” she whispered with her sharp teeth and tongue that had always been too soft. </p><p>“It's enough. I’ll care for you, you know? Forever and always.”</p><p>“I’ll care for you too. Your shining shield,” Catra said, a breath against her ear. </p><p>“Until the end of the world,” Adora said far too quietly, reaching out to tangle their fingers together. </p><p>They slept, warm and safe. </p><p>—</p><p>Catra woke to a warm bed, a note pinned to the pillow written in the signature way of Adora--lots of smiles and loopy handwriting. <i> I love you, but Melog wanted a walk, and you know who the favourite is here! ;) :) :). </i> It made her laugh, caught between fondness and amusement. It would be nice to get ready without a purring alien twining around her feet or a certain blonde woman getting in the way, she supposed. Either way, she should probably get something cooking for when she got back. </p><p>Catra grabbed a shirt, loose in a way that implied it was Adora’s instead of hers. Still too tired to bother this early, she just shrugged and pulled on pants. She took in the familiar room, or technically speaking suite, in Bright Moon Palace. Warm and sunny, it provided a good distraction while she pulled her hair into a ponytail. </p><p>There was a part of their wall entirely devoted to pictures. There was one of Glimmer and Catra, sitting back-to-back like they always did. Another of all the Best Friend Squad except for Bow, who Adora had added in as a small doodle in the corner. It made Catra smile, remembering his mock-indignation at the “ruining” of his masterpiece. He’d made her draw one herself after that, and at Catra’s enthusiasm had let her try to. </p><p>She ran a claw over the matching portraits of her and Adora that had come from that mess, careful not to damage the shaky lines or odd proportions. She’d gotten better at them since then, over the lessons with Bow that were only half-filled with actual practice. She’d even drawn the one of Entrapta and herself that now proudly hung in the princess’ workshop, making Catra smile every time she visited. Bow had let her draw one for his wedding day too, despite Glimmer’s joking protests. </p><p>The drawing trailed off near the door, and as Catra slipped on her shoes, she half-hopped to the kitchen, almost glad there was nobody there to see, not even her wife. She got them on by the time she’d reached the kitchen, smiling softly at the framed picture of her and Adora at their wedding. More important was food though, so she absently put something on to cook and wandered over to the window. It was a nice day, clear skies and bright sun. </p><p>Catra stood in the sunlight and just breathed for once.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>is this whole fic an excuse to give catra friends and cuddles? it sure is! also entrapta and catra are friends and i will fight you on that.</p><p>follow me on tumblr! my main poor-coping-skills</p></blockquote></div></div>
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